There are days that I am not as peaceful as I would like to be… This is one of them…
Despite most of my fantasies being about a world where we all have clean air, clean water, healthy food, safe shelter and clothing, and care about each others well-being, I admit to occasionally entertaining various “revenge” fantasies regarding those who allow toxic chemicals into everyday products and materials, especially those in the fragrance industry…
I have had different fantasies over the years, despite in my heart of hearts, not wanting anyone to suffer…Today another revenge fantasy emerged (since some people just don’t understand the harm their actions cause others, unless they personally experience the same or similar harm):
The people who allow toxic chemicals to be used in colognes and other fragranced products deserve to be locked into a room with no ventilation, to inhale the fumes from 20 opened bottles and packages of those products (like soaps, laundry, personal care and cleaning products) for 24 hours, no matter what happens to them while they are in there.
With their families and friends watching via live-stream somewhere else…
Ok, I’ll be a little considerate…maybe when they go unconscious or delirious, they could be taken to a hospital, to a room filled with toxic sanitizers, PVC/vinyl fumes, perfumed and cologned doctors and nurses… only to be told that their symptoms were all in their head.
Why, you might ask, would I wish such a thing on someone today?
Yesterday I received a package in the mail with some very toxic men’s cologne or soap fragrance fumes saturated throughout the package. Fragrance residues that contaminated the objects 2nd and 3rd hand, in ways that disable people, me, in this case.
I got dizzy and disoriented, with a headache too, but managed to get through my day without noticing too much bumping into things… (I am doing better this way, since I live in a bubble with as
few many exposures as I can manage to prevent).
Today I woke up to see my weekly grocery delivery girl from the distance through my window… I started writing out my cheque for my order, and then went outside to meet her when she came, and with the seed and nut rations for the birds and squirrels, to find a weird brownish powder in my yard …
After a few minutes when she hadn’t come here with my order (or with the neighbor’s order who has it left here to pick up later) I also noticed her van was gone when I looked out that way… without delivering my food for the week.
As I was returning inside, I discovered that the can of cocoa powder I had left in a hanging basket outside yesterday afternoon, to air off the store incense fumes before bringing inside, to transfer to a glass jar, but forgot to bring inside before going to bed, was missing (explaining the odd brownish powder outside)…
And so I came inside to turn on my computer, to find an email from my weekly food delivery guy asking if I didn’t want to order something this week.
I have ordered every single week since arriving here in July of 2011. It’s how I get food that is safe for me to eat.
Turns out that last night, I somehow closed my order form without actually sending it off before I went to bed. I was sure I had sent it as I always do when I finished it and saved it. Apparently not last night.
This is the only (usually) uncontaminated source of fresh food I have access to (no-one from around here goes to the organic farmers market on the weekend. I can’t eat food from stores that use or sell fragranced products, because I can taste all those chemicals in the food (2nd and 3rd hand), and then I get really sick and can’t function properly. By that, I mean be able to prepare food without dropping things or cutting my fingers off, or even have the energy to heat food I’ve frozen, and now I also have to puree almost all my food due to dental issues lack of access to dental care has caused, but I derail…
What a way to start the day… with my head already spinning, with the knowledge I may be responsible for poisoning my friends (the local wildlife) with cocoa powder (it is toxic to many animals), and without enough food for a week.
All because of a package that came in the mail yesterday, a package that had 2nd and 3rd hand fragrance chemical saturation…
If that’s not bad enough, the package was a gift. A really special gift too. One that someone went to a great deal of trouble to locate, order and have shipped to me.
So now my friend is going to feel heart-broken that her incredible act of kindness, instead of bringing me immense joy when I received it, has actually made me really sick, for days, and made me miss my grocery deadline…
And it’s not her fault. At all. She is one of my angels.
And, this isn’t the 1st time an act of love and generosity has poisoned me instead.
I don’t know how to deal with that except entertain a fantasy that would help the fragrance industry understand the immense amounts of suffering they cause others.
Add those in positions of governance who refuse to hear the cries of all the canaries, but instead allow us to keep keeling over, while the world around us crashes and burns…
Remember, these toxic (and secret) ingredients are made from oil, gas, and petrochemicals.
What are some of the other effects?
Look around this blog a little (I haven’t hyper-linked everything today, because it’s too hard for me to do now)… read up about autism and cancer… and since these pollutants are also causing extreme climate change, maybe look into that too…
Then look into your heart, imagine the world you want to see, and do something to make it happen!
P.S. My grocery guy got back to me and said they’d deliver tomorrow ♥
Aaaaaaaargh. That was a sympathy like. So sorry you had to deal with this. AAAAAAAARGH.
Thanks Miss D… It’s a wacky world we live in these days… Where money (from economic growth activities causing death and destruction) is more important than life and health…
Fragrances assault my being at last once a day, often turning my head into brain fog, bringing confusion, anger and more. I find that people who are not bothered by the poison simply don’t believe those of us who are.
They’ve been manipulated into not-believing, just like smokers were told that smoking was fine… Sadly, when they wake up, it’s usually because they’ve gotten sick, or a child in the family has.
This coincides with my thinking the other day. My thoughts were about what we miss the most and what we find the hardest to deal with by being this sick. Things like just trying to get through the day-to-day events that most people don’t even give a single thought about. Where things are coming from and if they might cause harm, what’s that smell? How on Earth am I going to eat tonight because I just don’t have the energy to cook and I don’t eat processed foods or take-away and my groceries haven’t arrived? Basically, survival instincts gone crazy. The analogy of the spoons in hyper-drive.
As for the better world you fantasize about, I believe it to be a future reality, but it won’t be through mankinds efforts, they are on a runaway train heading to derailment and no matter how much they are told about it they just make things worse in their crazy chase for the almighty dollar. Only a higher power will fix this mess. (That’s my opinion anyway)
Sending hugs, try to take a deep breath (Even that is something we can’t take for granted) and do some relaxation exercises (preferably the ones that don’t expend the little energy you don’t have left) ;)
I do regular breathing exercises and meditations of sorts… We absolutely need to learn good self-care practices like that! And also remember that “this too shall pass”.
For various reasons, I am just more pissed than usual about how toxic the world has become, despite decades of canaries keeling over…
I hope I remember to reply to this some more when my brain can handle certain complexities again – in a short comment, you raised a number of interesting issues here…
None of us struggle alone, even though we might think so at times. Your blog page also provides us with an avenue to support each other, and Thank you for that too.
I’m with you Heather, hard to imagine that mankind will be able to wake up from this poisonous stupor to see how very MISLEAD we have let ourselves become. Then even harder to imagine that even if this did happen it wouldn’t be ‘too late’ to make the changes needed to save that precious gift of LIFE in a ‘paradise-like environment’ that was given us. This precious love-gift has also been contaminated : (
The ‘Higher Power’ is Love. If we ‘Love’ others as ourselves we would not do things that could ‘harm’ others, ourselves or our home or our environment. We are witness to the destruction of all that we loved, that we were given in ‘LOVE’ from the ‘Higher Power’ to understand that there is a great ‘lack of love’ or ‘evil’ ruling our world and GREED has taken over mankind. It’s as if they don’t have quite enough with all this so now they rob us of ‘doing our own will’ by making us disabled to do so : (
Thank God we can console each other and still Love each other living through all this Mess. ♡♡♡
Thank you all for your compassion and kind and loving words it’s truely like having your hand-held while walking through hell! ♡♡♡
Thanks Therese. The oft-quoted verse of “God IS love” came to mind when I read your comments. I find it intensely interesting that everything He stands for has been ignored by humans, to their detriment, in pursuit of selfishness and riches. I believe that this planet was set up for life by an intelligent creator who made everything so wonderfully, our Landlord if you like, and he won’t let people wreak his “house” forever. He also told us that love for him and our fellow humans would prevent humans from doing harm to each other if they followed his direction, and of course, the golden rule is always applicable. That’s not the current reality though as most people choose to ignore him, and in the meantime we canaries do have to understand and support each other as we try our best to survive the best we can, although that is becoming increasingly more difficult as they poison this world even more.
I am happy to hold your hand, and also grateful for people like dear Linda who has given us an avenue to express ourselves in safety and understanding. xoxo
I’m glad you’re going to get your food. I’ll respond more later but today I had a run in with perfume.
I’m sorry to hear that… Hope you feel better soon.
I’ve had a few too many run-ins (breathe-ins? of toxic airborne chemicals recently too… without having to leave home!
(You may have noticed I’m not “visiting” much)
My food did arrive, now I just have to be able to stand long enough to wash old dishes and cook up a bunch of stuff
(including pancakes I use as a bread substitute when the only bread I tolerate is on back order).
As an old friend used to say, I’m in houseplant mode…
I’m glad the grocery guy got back with you. There are some good people that go out of their way to help us.
Yes <3 I owe my life to them!
THANKS. Your words are like a breath of fresh air! I relate so completely especially with delivery of packages etc. It makes life extra hell and other people don’t comprehend HOW much work and physical impact it causes. I also get fed up that even people who know I am a human canary and I have already spoken to about toxic deodorants etc etc will suddenly unexpectedly poison me again because they picked up something free whatever and wore it (without a thought ) when it had previously been safe to be around them for a short period casue they didn’t use that crap. Like—beating head agaisnt a brick wall…PLUS I live in Brisbane Australia-where I have NO rights AT ALL and live in fear of having to go to hospital…Visiitong hospital at odd times for my parents’ care (who also were exposed and ill) was nightmare enough. When my Mum went in to get pacemaker our prior arrangement for separate room were botched up… We were both poisoned by nursing staff upon which nurse in chargebarged into the room and barked at me repeatedly how she had contacted the head of the hospital and that her staff had a RIGHT to wear perfume if they so choose, and I established that apprently their “right” to lather themselves in poisonous chemicals overrode my mother’s right to breathe & not have her heart & lungs etc damaged especially when she was already experiencingheart trouble. More recently when my Dad had a short day visit for an eyelid operation and despite knowledge of my Dad’s chemical injury and sensitivity to fragrances on his input papers/file and allergies I found him being cared for with nurse loaded with perfume when i picked him up…adn she isisted on poisonging me too —and then I had to wheel him out by myself whilst ill and running into walls and hurt my back trying to hold open &get him through a door with a strong springback mechanism etc etc etc We are prisoners in our home due to neighbours using toxic laundry detergent and even when immediate neighbours caused us peripehral nerve damage & my dad could not walk for 6 mths lawyer said we had no rights. Had huge battle to get that neighbour from using that stuff & only after she violently abused me and played games tryng to still use it and hide it/hanging stuff under house (still op[en to air) etc We have never recovered, but in Australia we have nothing to protect people regarding chemical exposure/injury or sensitivity! Thankyou for your website.
Most people have no idea or understanding of the suffering so many of us are forced to endure from all the hazardous pollutants in fragrances and other everyday products and materials. I’m sorry your family has had to suffer so much.
Have you been in touch with the Australian support groups for people with MCS/ES? I know there are a few.
Some are listed here: http://www.ameliahill.com/eimcs-info-support/